All posts by milenahoffmann

My name is Milena. I'm an artist, specifically a screenwriter and I love it. My screenplays are made out of hard work and with all my heart. Actually I'm studying Theater Studies with the minor American Studies. I'm hoping to work in the film industry one day, for real. I would love to also discover other parts of producing a film: directing and acting, but most important screenwriting - it's my love, my passion, my need.

Semicolon

Thoughts over thoughts, every day is anew day to decide whether to end life or continue. Every day, every minute is a fight. A fight with yourself, with your psyche. It plays against you, although it’s part of you. It destroys you. On your good days your the person with the biggest laughter. There’s so much darkness, the purpose is to find light in these times. Depression brings you the hardest time while living but the goal is to overcome it and to decide against its power.

‘A semicolon is used when ab author could’ve chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to. The author is you and the sentence is your life.’

Being An Even Keel


Hey Guys,

I haven’t been here for a while. I have to figure out some things and needed some time.

The mind is a complex place, it can play some really bad tricks on one’s self. It’s hard to be true to one’s self, we tend to refuse to believe if something seems not quite right. I’m a really thoughtful person, and tend to think too much. Since years I’m struggling with this. I always refused to believe that it’s not on a normal and healthy basis. I didn’t get a handle on it till today and I think I will never handle it for 100%, I will learn how to prevent it, how to improve situations, but I will never fully control it.

A few weeks ago I had exam time, a very stressful and exhausting time, a time where everyone tends to be more stressed but I realized that in my case it is more than normal, I was more upset than all my friends. I thought a lot about that stuff the last time. Mostly every minute. As I finally could go hometo my parents and sister, I was relieved, I thought it would’ve been better there.

The sad thing: It wasn’t. Also I had no university anymore and nothing else to do for it, I was stressed and really, really sad, but I didn’t know why, and I don’t know till today. I’m now in a situation that I feel a little better, not very good but okay. That’s way better than I felt the weeks before. Sadly, I’ve just one week left till uni starts again, hopefully I can enjoy that time better than the rest of the semester break. I’m finally at a point where I am true to myself and I’m considering to take help, I think that’s the only way out.

But something I recently discovered, helps me a lot to feel better,File_000 (6) to be calmer and to get me calm when I’m stressed. Lately, I found this app: Headspace. I’m trying it since a few days and I feel an improvement, I think that’s the reason why I feel better now. Headspace is an app that helps you to meditate. I always was a fan of meditation and spiritual things but I could never figure out how to do it. It’s just 10 minutes a day, but it helps! I make at least two exercises a day, one basic and one particular either for depression or anxiety. My well-being is way better.
I like this lifestyle, to meditate each day,  to be an even keel. It’s great.

If you feel anxious and stressed try it, maybe it helps!

Love,

     Milenaherz

Merken

Merken

Merken

The Artist

Brushes. Paint.
Everywhere.
Wet and Dark.
I’m should fear it but I don’t.

Somehow it feels cozy.
There’s no fear in it.
Just me.
And the breathings of my heart.

Another world,
but I am not alone.
There are the paintings
and me.

A place I feel comfort in.
A place that doesn’t let me down.
A place I call
Home.

Humans

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Feminism – a word we hear more often in this day and age. And it is for good.

I am a feminist and there are so much more people in this world who are. I am proud to be a woman and to live on this earth. My mantra is: To live and to let live. Before I dive into the subject I want to recall that I am not against humans who don’t live after this believe! Everyone is supposed to live his life like he or she thinks it is right and like he or she wants it to. This is just about what I believe and how I do live and I want to live.

As you presume by the picture I am a fan of women being independent from anyone, doing what they love regardless what they are meant to. If you are with someone who does not mean you are no feminist, you can be someone like that, independent from anyone but with someone.

I want to be a woman who can care for herself, who provides a living and who does what she loves. Of course we need other people, friends and family, one does not expels the other one. I think I am on a good way to get there to be the woman I want to be. I am happy to experience the working life in the future in a job I like.

Regarding to women or any other minority I opine the same rights for everyone, it doesn’t matter whether women, people with another skin color, lgbtq+ people, people with different religious beliefs; everyone should have the same rights. Rights does not depend on attributes like this, rights depent on being a human, and apparently we are all humans, it does not matter to which group someone belongs.
I really don’t understand how you can distinguish between these groups. Everyone wants to live a life that isn’t judged by anyone, why to judge others then? No one has the right to take away someone elses rights and to decide over them, because we are all the same. No one is better than someone else, every one of us has flaws, makes wrong decisions, no one is perfect. Humans are humans, there is no differentiation.

Back to being a feminist: Women are so much, they are strong, smart, pretty, graceful, loving, working and so much more I cannot express. Men aren’t better, the world exists the way it does because there are man and woman, without one of those it wouldn’t be the way it is today. Everyone has the same right to live on this earth, no one of us created the world, that happened before we even existed, so no one of us has the right to decide who belongs here and who not.

Stay kind, stay positive, stay the way you are. Everyone is worth living! No one is better than someone else. We are all the same, and we are all in this together.

I am proud to be a woman, I am proud to be a feminist!

Milenaherz

Back from Journey

Hello everyone! I hope you had a great week and can enjoy the weekend now! I came back from Amsterdam on Wednesday night and finally got to write this post. It was a short but adventurous journey.

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As I mentioned in the article about this topic before we decided to sleep in a hostel together with people we don’t know in one room. It was weird. As we arrived in the hostel and checked-in we went to our room to take our luggage away. Nervousness raised in my body: Are there people in the room? Who are they? Are they male or female? – A lot of questiones arose in my head but surprisingly the room was empty, no one in there just a few clothes. So we noticed that there is another person who sleeps in this room. That immediately shows a problem: Which bed can we take? After trying to investigate which bed is used we just decided to take the conjugal bed. Everything went fine and we enjoyed some time chillin’ in bed till a couple came that was supposed to sleep in that room too. The person no one of us knew slept in one bed of a loft bed, so the couple had to divide (it was a five bed room). They were very unhappy and at the end of the day they slept in one bed together.That situation was a little strange, so I thought I’d tell you.

Concerning this topic, it is okay to sleep in a room with strangers but you will get to know several types of people, some will be very lovely and carefree, others are a little complicated. If you wanna have vacations with no regard to others then you should take a room just for you, but to meet knew people and not pay much you should choose this.

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We spent our days walking through Amsterdam and discovering beautiful sides. Amsterdam is a wonderful city, I could imagine to live there one day, just for a year or two, it is really pretty. In the dark there are so many lights with colors, it’s fascinating. The buildings are big and cute or impressive depending in which part you are. We visited the Vondelpark, really nice. We just sat there and relaxed in the sun. The canal quarter is interesting too, so much water, you can make good pictures there.

From the sightseeing side Amsterdam is a city to experience! Beautiful and a lot to see.

Of course we did not visited the city to just watch its buildings and landscape but I will come to that in another article soon. So keep watching there will come more about this trip;)

                                                                                Love,

Milenaherz

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You haven’t seen the previous article about this subject? Here is a link to that post.

Merken

Pollock Quotes

 

Jackson Pollock:
I’m not doing nothing worth ship.

That’s a damn good picture. That works. You’re a damn good woman painter.

I’ve had enough. Take me in.

You know that part of our lives that’s supposed to be so special, the growing-up part? It was a damn hell for me.

I don’t let the image carry the painting. If it creeps in, I try to do away with it,to let the painting come through.

Well, if people would just leave most of their stuff at home and just look at the paintings, I don’t think they’d have any trouble enjoying them. It’s like looking at a bed of flowers. You don’t tear your hair out over what it means.

I owe the woman something. I’d be dead without her.

 

Lee Krasner:
No one is doing what Pollock is doing.

The most powerful work to come round the pike, there’s no three ways about it.

I wanna get married, Pollock. I suddenly want to. So, either we marry or we split, I think. I love you. I think you’re a great artist. I want you to paint. I want very much to keep living with you. But I want that commitment from you, too. You’ll have to make the decision.

My life is full enough with you, Jackson.

You’ve done it, Pollock. You’ve cracked it wide open.

Just be yourself.

You’re a great painter, Pollock. Just paint.

Look what you’re painting when you were sober. Now that you’re back on booze, do you paint real pictures? Stop crying about it and paint! You’re Jackson Pollock, and you don’t paint! It’s a tragedy, and I can’t stand it! Paint!

Letter: “The roses were the most beautiful deep red. I miss you and I wish you were sharing this with me. It would be wonderful to get a note from you. The painting here is unbelievably bad. How are you, Jackson? Kiss Gyp for me. Love, Lee.

 

Howard Putzel:
Genius.

 

Peggy Guggenheim:
Now, these show something.

 

Clem Greenberg:
He’s original, he’s ambitious, but there’s a lot of mud. And the titles are pretentious. Muddiness, you know. Mud abounds.

What you’re doing out there, Jackson, is better than anything I’ve seen from you in a year or more. No I gotta backtrack. Peggy’s mural. That’s when I thought, “Here’s a great painter.”

Now, this is something. No matter how drunk you are…there’s one thing sacred you, not anybody’s feelings or anything like that. It’s your art. You’re not going to destroy your art. This is something.

 

Grocer/ Hans Namuth:
Best to find a quiet place, do what you have to do.

 

Jackson and Lee:
Lee: “What’s this? I see the head, the body. This isn’t cubism, Jackson, because you’re not really breaking down the figure into multiple views. You’re just showing us one side. And what is this, free association? Automatism?
-Pollock: “I’m just painting, Lee.
-Lee: “But what you’re doing, Jackson, and don’t tell me you don’t know what you’re doing…Are you experimenting with surrealism? Is this a dream? Even if it’s a dream, it’s still what you see. It’s life. You’re not just randomly putting paint on the canvas. You’re painting something. You can’t abstract from nothing. You can only abstract from life. From nature.
-Pollock: “I am nature.

Lee: “I went out looking for you. What are you doing to yourself?
-Pollock:”Nothing.
-Lee:”You’re doing more than that.
-Pollock: “It’s like a storm, it’ll pass.

Lee: “How did it go in there today?
-Pollock: “Thought you might make a table or something.
-Lee: “What?
-Pollock: “Get yourself working again.

Pollock: “We’re husband and wife. I wanna have a baby. Our baby. That’s what the…That’s what the progression of things is about. That’s what the union is about.
-Lee: “That’s not what the union is about.
-Pollock: “What else is there?
-Lee: “That’s not what it’s about, Jackson…For me. The vows don’t stipulate baby. I am not going to bring another life into that. We are painters, Jackson. We don’t  have any money. We don’t get by. We struggle. But you are a great artist. I believe in Jackson Pollock. There’s you, and there’s the painting. And you, you need, you need, you need, you need! And I don’t wanna be anywhere else. I don’t want to be with anyone else. But that’s all I can handle.

 

Jackson and Peggy:
Peggy:”That the mural goes on and on, Clem says, is what makes it so good. He thinks it’s a great painting. I think you found yourself a champion.
-Jackson: “It’s all bullshit, anyway.

 

Jackson and Clem:
Jackson: “No one knows I fucking exist. Who the hell’s talking about me?
-Clem: “Jackson, it’s new stuff. You got to give it time. And what you’re doing is the most original and vigorous art in the country.

Clem: “You had a good ten-year run. Everything’s gorgeous.
-Pollock: “Gorgeous isn’t good enough.

 

Jackson and Life Magazine:
Life Magazine: “How do you know when you’re finished with a painting?
-Pollock: “How do you know when you’re finished making love?

 

 

 

Pollock Content&Review

Pollock Songs

Pollock Songs

Songs which are played in the film (NOT Soundtracks):

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Mighty Blues – The Port of Harlem Jazzmen (A Retrospective Albert Ammons) Mighty Blue Spotify

Sing, Sing, Sing – Benny Goodman (The Essential Benny Goodman) Sing, Sing, Sing Spotify

The Hut-Sut Song – The King Sisters (I’ll Get By) The Hut-Sut Song Spotify

He’s Funny That Way – Billie Holiday (The Complete Commodore/ Decca Masters) He’s Funny That Way Spotify

Honey Song – Spade Cooley & the Western Swing Dance Gang (Spade Cooley & the Western Swing Dance Gang) Honey Song

Dodo’s Bounce – Lucky Thompson (1944-1947) Dodo’s Bounce Spotify

Mahogany Hall Stomp – Louis Armstrong (Louis Armstrong – A Portrait) Mahogany Hall Stomp Spotify

Old Dan Tucker – Burl Ives (Summer Folk Festival compilation) Old Dan Tucker Spotify

Get With The Beat – Billy Nix (Shake This Town! Indiana Rockabilly, Vol. 1) Get With The Beat Spotify

Vine Street Breakdown – Buddy Tate (Complete Jazz Series 1945-1950) Vine Street Breakdown Spotify

Hot Lips Baby – Herbie Duncan (I Hate CD’s: Norton Records 45 RPM Singles Collection Vol. 1) Hot Lips Baby Spotify

Central Avenue Drag – Pete Johnson (The Masters of Jazz: 33 Best of Pete Johnson&Charlie Shavers) Central Avenue Drag Spotify

Don’t Be Angry – Nappy Brown (Don’t Be Angry(Savoy Singles 1954-1956)) Don’t Be Angry Spotify

World Keeps Turning – Tom Waits (Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers&Bastards) World Keeps Turning Spotify

 

Playlist on Spotify: Pollock Songs Playlist Spotify

 

Pollock Content&Review

Pollock Quotes

Pollock

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Plot

Jackson Pollock (performed by Ed Harris), a painter of the 1940’s, is living with his brother and his wife in a little appartment in New York City. His life is defined by alcoholism and occasional painting exhibitions until he meets the painter Lee Krasner (performed by Marcia Gay Harden). She starts concentraiting her whole life on Pollock, on being his friend, lover, wife and most of all his caretaker because she really believes in him and in his art. As she notices that the city life makes Pollock feeling insecure and stressed, they decide to move out of the city near the nature. While living there Jackson Pollock improves his art and gets an offer from Life magazine, so he gets more popular and exhibits for Peggy Guggenheim.Some time later he will be relapsed and his life falls into hundred of pieces.

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Review

A very rich film! A masterpiece!

This film you cannot really divide into criterias because it’s the whole piece that makes the impression. Everything in this one belongs to the other things and everything matchs up.
At this time, I’ve watched the movie many times. I got the really impression at the second time. I have to say that as I’ve watched it once I thought it would be a nice and good film, but not more, I had that feeling because I was a little overwhelmed by the complete work and couldn’t place it. But since the second time I’m so thrilled and incited. I can’t imagine not knowing this piece, it makes a lot in myself, but more to that at the end. I noticed what high level it is, it is a movie you can’t talk about because you are so impressed. I think it is a special one which isn’t for everyone, you have to be interested in arts, in brilliant and rich films. It isn’t comparable to any film I’ve seen before.

I think the implementation is really great. You actually feel like being in the 1940s but the thing is though you haven’t the feeling that it’s out-of-date. It feels actual although they have a different way of life I can identify with that and don’t feel like travelling in a time machine. I don’t feel like being in the times of my grandparents and their parents.

I want to say so much about the acting but I simply can’t, it is so brilliant that it makes me speechless. The few things I can say are that I really feel like understanding both, Lee and Pollock, in the situations. There is no one I favor because I don’t see a bad and a good one. Marcia Gay Harden and Ed Harris did an outstanding performance, both. I guess they are matched, together they deliver a performance you aren’t able to talk about because of its excellence, it’s breathtaking. These artists embody in such a remarkable way the extraordinary relation between Jackson Pollock and Lee Krasner. You have the feeling although you see less usual known love that they are belonging to each other for real. The expression of the special love of them is great implemented. Ed Harris makes a magnificent job, his represantation of the person of Pollock is so accessible. He presents the peculiarity and the greatness of this artist in a way that it feels real. You understand the person Jackson Pollock, his love and his life because of the presentation. The most interest Pollock has in the film are his paintings, he doesn’t take a lot of his time for his wife. In spite of this you know he loves her. The saddest part is the scene when Pollock cries on his bed after Lee had gone whereas you just realize how deep his love and how enormous his inner prison was. A matchless work. Marcia Gay Harden wonderful embodies the hope and the love Lee feels for Jackson. A lot of women would have separated from their husband if he would be like that but Lee didn’t. You notice how big and how deep of the heart the love of Lee to Pollock and his art is despite she says less about it. You feel it even though it is a role. I truly understand why Marcia Gay Harden has won an academy award for her performance…it’s outstanding! You must have seen the movie, it is unique.

It’s strange that all happens in the film happened in real. It’s a lovely, sad and inspiring story. I feel very sorry at the end, for both, it’s sad that it ends like that but that’s life. I can’t say a lot about the story because it’s true. I can’t say this is good or bad, everything really happened and I do not judge the life of other people. The only thing I can say is: I am really impressed by both characters I didn’t know anything about the two before, I’ve never heard about them, I think it’s a pity. You can learn what real love is, that relationships are hard and you have not to expect too much from your partner – it’s a real life story which is a little crazy, but aren’t all of our lives a little crazy?

Pollock, the movie, changed my inside and tought me some things. Sometimes love is hard but that someone doesn’t show you their love like you expect it doesn’t always mean he doesn’t love you. Sometimes one gives more than the other – that doesn’t mean it isn’t real love.
It’s important to not give up, Lee’s believe in Pollock shows that you shouldn’t let go in what you believe.
The film reminds me how beautiful painting is, it took me to the point that I’m interested in painting art again. Since I’m a little child I was very interested and talented in painting, I ever was. But during school I’ve lost my passion and my love for it, but one year ago after I’ve seen this film I started to be very incited to do it, just do it without rules. Painting is a passion, I’ve never thought I get my feeling back but I did.
Another point is to live your life no matter what other people say. There will be people who critize you and your way of life but there are also people believing in you and only that are the ones who matter. You have to do what you really feel, maybe there are hard times, maybe a hard life but please do what you love and where your passion is, if it’s not the usual way of life do it even more.

I get inspiration on two sides, first on the acting side, they did so great and unbelievable performances which show me what is possible and what people are capable to. On the other side I’m inspired by the painting side, to do what you love and don’t follow the rules, there aren’t any. They showed me acting and painting on a level I’ve never seen.

 Even if it’s a dream, it’s still what you see, it’s life. 

 

Pollock Songs

Pollock Quotes

Let the Journey begin

A little more than a week ago I thought my life is boring, now I’m sitting in a bus to Amsterdam.


A group of friends had plans for a trip to the Netherlands for a few weeks, they organized everything long ago. After the exams and a few partys a friend and me decided to visit that beautiful city too, and without further ado we booked a hostel and a bus drive, everything as cheep as possible of course.

Today started the trip, we’ll stay till wednesday, that will be fun! I never went away on a trip that last-minute, I never slept in a hostel in a room with people we don’t know, I never made a trip with friends, I do now and it’s so exciting, a big adventure! We don’t have any plans how our days will look like, we have a few ideas what we wanna do but nothing concrete. 

I will keep you updated!

Lots of Love,

Milena