The Struggle With Exams

or the struggle of art?

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As you may know I’m a student of Theater Studies and American Studies. We are just in the time of exams, fortunately it’s almost over. I realized in the last couple of weeks how much I struggle with coordinating writing or making art and studying. I’m a person that always does the things that need to be done first, then the things I want to do.

I realized that’s not always healthy.

As I only did reading and studying for university, I noticed that I became really sad and angry, very unsatisfied and felt very bad in general. I moved all stuff I want to do aside, and planned to do it after all my exams and term papers are done, as kind of reward myself and something I can work forward to. But as things happened I realized that that’s not the way that works for me. I had to do things I love during the stressful time too.

My problem is, I always feel bad when I do something for me instead of something that has to be done. I often catch myself by thinking about what I could have done that’s important, and how far I could be about that. But that’s not good, definitely not!

Now, I am at a point that I’m okay with it because

in my life I’m the most important person, college isn’t  more important, if I feel bad or stressed out I do what is good for me.

There are days when I really struggle with studying, there are a lot of days like that, but I always try to get back to earth, take a deep breath and take some time off.

In addition to that I really think too much. For example, today actually I planned to write on my term paper, till now I wrote nothing. I just feel too much today, my head cannot dive into the issue, it just doesn’t work and I feel too exhausted. But it’s okay! Artists are thinking about their art/projects every moment in LIFE.

The point is that that makes the struggle with exams even harder, because you have your passion project in mind and think about it all day, but you have to study at the same time. That makes it sometimes really difficult, because you cannot think about your to do’s. It’s better to take a day or a few hours off, work on your project and free your mind as farnas it is possible, and then go back to work.

When I do art, I mean painting or writing, I start to feel better. I cannot put that away as long as I’m done with all the stuff, it needs to be in my life at any time. And I see that as “work” too, as work in the way of doing something, not in the stressed way of having something to do. So it has to be in my everyday life, like college is.

 It doesn’t feel like work but it is.

What I want to say is:

Do art if you need to! It’s your work too (work to heal you), you come first in life so take some time off even if you are in exam time or any other stress time!

Milenaherz

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